4/22/2013 Carpet Installation Day

(Wilmington, DE)

The day we’ve been waiting for!  The carpet installation guys are coming and starting this evening we can start getting this house back together again.

Mom and I thought we were ready for them.  Little did we know.  We had emptied everything we could, took drawers out and stacked them in the kitchen, left minimal furniture in the rooms.

Much to our surprise, when the fellas arrived they took all the living room and porch furniture out to the front lawn.  We had to keep an eye on the chairs and tables all day because in this town if you put stuff out, that’s a sign that you don’t want it anymore and are putting it out for someone else to take.  My parents have gotten rid of a lot of stuff that way.

They started with the living room and dining room as they run into each other and was one large piece of carpet since mom chose to have the same colors in both rooms.  That went fairly fast and in no time they were putting the furniture back and we were putting drawers back in the buffet, centering the dining room table and straightening the table cloth again.  We were on our way!

The hall and bedrooms went just as quickly and once the furniture was back in the rooms they cleared out and we got started making up beds with all new linens and bedspreads.  We worked until 9 p.m. and made great headway in putting things back in order.

We were both looking forward to going to bed at the end of the day.  We were both physically exhausted.

4/14-4/21/2013 Bits and Pieces

(Wilmington, DE)

Ok, I haven’t updated the blog in a little while for several reasons.  First and foremost, one word, BUSY! 

My mom and I have been working around the house getting tons of stuff done.  All the painting is now done.  The new carpeting was supposed to be installed on Saturday the 20th but the carpet installer forgot he had a bowling tournament he paid for so that is being pushed back a couple of days.

As we do things in a room mom has been going through every drawer and getting rid of stuff that serves no purpose for her anymore.  This has freed up lots of space and she’s moving stuff around since there are all new storage areas open to her.  Unfortunately, she can’t find a darn thing now.  I hear a dozen times a day, “Snookie, do you know where such and such is?”  I thought it best to write things down so I got a little notebook and write down things for her that she can reference once I’m not here.

Speaking of which, I’ve made my plane reservations to return to Tucson.  It’s time.  I need to get to help Bob with the 5th wheel issues we’re having.  That is usually my territory, dealing with the service writer, etc. so I need to get back.  I’ll be flying to Phoenix and then renting a car to drive to Tucson.  I’m not crazy about flying to begin with, I will fly, but I can’t say I enjoy it.  The flight from Phoenix to Tucson would be on a puddle jumper and when I flew out a month ago we were knocked all over the sky because of the wind.  I’ll drive the two hours, thank you very much.  I will make a stop in Quail Run to pick up our mail and a box we had delivered.

On the 5th wheel issues we’re having, we have the component manufacturers involved now and DRV who built our RV.  Since we contacted these companies things are starting to get done and we’re getting answers.  This whole thing will be easier on both of us when we’re under one roof and not trying to get organized and compose letters and keep all of the facts straight with his notes in Tucson and mine here in Delaware.  Thank heavens for email and cell phones!

I miss my camera!  I’ve wanted it so many times over these past weeks.

I’ll be glad to get back to Tucson so that I can wear something different.  I don’t think I told you what I actually ended up packing that day when I got the call.  Now remember, my world was turned upside down and I just threw stuff in a suitcase.  I packed two pairs of black slacks, a white pullover tee, one blouse, one red short sleeved sweater, two pairs of sweatpants, four sweatshirts, four pairs of socks, four bras and eleven pairs of panties.  Shoes included a pair of sneakers, a pair of flip flops and a pair of black flats.  Oh yeah, and a winter jacket.  That’s it.  I have been wearing the same thing day in and day out for the past month.  Now I did do some shopping since I’ve been here because we had that heat wave two weeks ago.  I bought four pair of shorts and six tops.  I think I’ll be shipping stuff home!

I hate the thought of leaving my mom.  I know she’s going to be okay but I hate the thought of her being here by herself.  We’ve had a talk about it and she assured me that she will be busy with yard work at home and at the cottage in Maryland.  She’ll split her time between the two homes.

As soon as our issues are dealt with and we close up the park model in Quail Run, Bob and I will be returning to Delaware for the summer.  It will be too hot to stay in Arizona and we really need to be here.  There are some things around here that mom needs help with and we can’t depend on my brother to do everything.   If you think about it he now has three houses to look after, his own, mom’s and the beach house.  Too much to ask him to take it all on.

Mom and I have been out to dinner a few times, we play cards, we try very hard not to miss the reruns of Big Bang Theory (Sheldon is my favorite!) and laugh a lot.  We are so tired that sometimes we laugh so hard over the stupidest things.

More to come.

4/13/2013 Our First Trip to the Cemetery

(Wilmington, DE)

This morning our town held a town-wide yard sale.  We put a few things out that mom wanted to get rid of.  A coffee table, an end table, a pole lamp and grandfather type clock.  My parents used to go to all these time share presentations, they never bought, it just gave them something to do for an afternoon.  They would use the gift certificate they were given to go out to dinner, add another inexpensive 35mm camera to their collection, bring home another small grill and fill the gas tank with gas money they were given.  One time they hit the jackpot and got a grandfather type clock.  It stood in the living room for years but now its time for it to go.  Lucky for us within two hours those things and a few other small things were gone.

After we put a few things away that didn’t sell we got in the car and headed to the cottage in Maryland.  We were to meet my brother there to clean up the yard so the young fellow who cuts the grass could get started for the season.

Billy turned on the water and we found a leak.  Billy says it will be an easy fix and he’ll take care of that soon. 

The cottage is another place that will need to be cleaned out of things my dad held on to.  The cottage needs work to be done to it.  Between Billy and Bob and mom and me we’ll get it back in good shape in no time.

We got the yard cleaned up and were soon on our way back to Wilmington.
On the way back we decided it was time to go to the cemetery.  Delaware Veteran’s Cemetery was on our way so it only made sense.  Today was the first day we actually even talked about it.  I think we both felt that if we didn’t talk about it then it really wasn’t real.

We found where he is with the help of the directory.  Those who are cremated can be entombed in one of the walls that have been built.

The final bronze plaque hasn’t been installed yet.  Right now there is just a temporary label with his name on it.  I shouldn’t be reading his name on this wall yet.  Mom and I have tears that fall silently, neither one of us willing to be the one to let go first.  What I really want to do is bang my fist on this granite wall and yell at him for leaving us, but it certainly wasn’t his idea to go so soon.  Too soon for me.  There are still things I want to ask him.  I want to tell him I love him one more time.  I want to hear him say, love ya babe,  when we hang up after talking on the phone.  I’ll never hear my dad tell me he loves me again.  That hurts my heart so much.  I want to hear those words one more time.  Just one more time.

It was a silent ride home, both of us lost in our thoughts.  This visit to the cemetery today was another first in our new normal.

By the time we reached the house we shook off our sad feelings, both of us determined to be strong for the other.   We didn’t talk about it, we just went on with our day with our usual activities, we just went on in our new normal.

This new normal I write of, this life that goes on without my dad…..   I. Hate. It!

4/12/2013 Carpet and Furniture Shopping

(Wilmington, DE)

Today mom and I went carpet and furniture shopping. 

We went to a flooring contractors showroom to pick out new wall to wall for the living room, dining room, hallway and two bedrooms,  We have a family friend who knows a carpet installer and he sent us there to pick it out.  It was difficult at best.  it’s hard to help pick out carpet in colors you don’t care for to begin with.  When I saw she kept going back to a certain color I agreed that that one was the best.  I’m sure it will all look nice when its all said and done.

From there we went to a local department store where she saw a sofa that she liked.  The store has 20% off today so we went to get it ordered.  It will be in next week.

While in the department store we stopped to buy new curtains for the dining room.

I’m glad we have these things to keep us busy.  I’m afraid if we didn’t there would be too much time to think.  There will be time enough for that later on.  At the same time it is just putting off the inevitable for her.  Her new normal.

Back at home we continued going through drawers, cabinets and closets.  My mom is ready to clear things out that she doesn’t use or need anymore.  That was hard to do with my dad around because he was always saying,,,,I might need that someday or I’m going to fix that!  Now, it’s going!

4/8-4/11/2013 3 Seasons in 4 Days

(Wilmington, DE)

In the past four days we have experienced winter spring and summer.  We went from highs in the low 50’s to the mid 70’s and then we hit 90 on the 4th day.  Crazy weather.
Mom and I have been busy filling out paperwork for this benefit and that.  I now know my parents social security numbers by heart.

We play a lot of “remember when” and it brings smiles so its all good.

Bob is still at Lazy Days in Tucson.  Authorizations are coming in, parts are arriving but the problem is getting service bay time.  Thankfully, the weather hasn’t gotten too bad yet.  He’s able to keep the main living space comfortable with the air conditioner and running one fan.  He tells me the community in the parking lot is stable, no one is leaving.  I guess when you are warranty work you are on the bottom of the totem pole.

To all of you who have written me emails, called me, left the wonderful comments on the blog, since the last time I said thanks,,,,thank you so much.  Each message means so much to me.

I’m anxious to get back to Bob but I dread leaving here.  I can’t imagine what it is going to be like leaving my mom.  We’ll return as soon as possible but I absolutely hate the thought of leaving at all.

4/72013 Two Weeks….

(Wilmington, DE)

I sat on the enclosed porch today in his chair.  I found comfort there.  It’s been two weeks today since we said our so longs.  Not goodbye because I will be with him one day again.

It still doesn’t seem real to me.  I walk to the porch several times a day and my eyes are drawn to the right to his chair.  I still expect to see him sitting there reading his ever present book or newspaper.  He read the paper.  Every article, front page to last.  Every comic, every obit, he read it all.

I’ll miss sitting with him and discussing the books we read.  We liked the same authors, Patterson, Grisham, Clancy and a few others.  Whenever I came home we would sit for a while and tell each other of must read books.

So today I sat and thought about the dad I knew.  I sat there while scenes from my life flashed through my mind….

Four years old and helping my dad wash the car,  six years old and watching my dad play pool at the Officer’s Club, nine years and it was just me and him for a whole week when my mom was in the hospital having my brother, (yeah, they actually stayed a week in the hospital back then) twelve years old and him taking me ice skating with other Guardsmen’s kids on the pond at the air base, sixteen and taking me out driving and then going with me to buy my first car.

In my minds eye I watched him give me the oath when I joined the National Guard and I remember how proudly I marched at graduation from basic training because I knew he was in the audience.  My mom and brother were there too but I was marching a little taller because I so wanted him to be proud of me. 

I remembered our father/daughter dinners out when we had National Guard summer camp at the same time at the same place and local restaurants sounded much better than the mess hall.  I remembered the lecture about how when we were in uniform he wasn’t my dad anymore but my superior officer and I had better salute him and call him sir.  And he was serious!  He drove this home when one time we passed each other on the walkway from the street to our front door.  I was just coming home, probably from Happy Hour somewhere and he was going out for an evening staff meeting.  I looked at him and said something like, "Hey dad"  He stopped me right then and there and let me know that he wasn't Dad but that he was LTC Rhoads and that I had better render a salute.  He was doing this for my own good.  The Delaware Guard is proportional to the size of the state which means in actuality the Guard is a very small community of citizen soldiers.  It would serve me well to remember this lesson.

I remembered his arms around me, holding me close when my heart was broken in two at twenty five.  

He proudly welcomed Bob into our family when I was twenty seven.  Through the years he gave me/us advice on household/parenting/financial matters.  It wasn’t always asked for, but we got it anyway.

I remembered that he was always my rock.  The first man that ever loved me and the first man I ever loved.

This doesn't seem real yet.

4/1-4/5/2013 So Much To Do!

(Wilmington, DE)

Monday morning we hit the floor running.

There is much to do this week.  The cemetery needs more paperwork, pension papers have to be dealt with, insurance papers have to be filed, accounts closed, accounts changed to my mom’s name only, dozens of phone calls and dozens of forms to be filled out.

In between all this we’re trying to get thank you notes written and getting this house put back together.

I’m encouraging her to clean out and get rid of stuff. It isn’t taking much persuasion.  I never realized what a pack rat my dad was.  We found eleven pairs of glasses he didn’t wear anymore.  Why he held on to them is beyond me.  Some had the glass missing, some had one ear piece missing, it was beyond baffling.  All that stuff has been cleaned out now.  We donated the glasses and frames to the local Lion’s club.  Someone who wouldn’t otherwise have glasses may now.

We dropped all the clothing off to the Veteran’s Hospital Community Living Center.  They were most appreciative of the donation.

My mom is great for displaying pictures in frames.  She kept adding to the collection over the years so we gathered them all up in one place and will pare that pile down considerably.  She still had my high school graduation picture on the wall.  I graduated 43 years ago!  It’s time for it to be put away, wouldn’t you agree?

She gave me my baby book and the album of pictures of my first year.  I keep looking at the one of my 20 year old dad holding a three week old me.

I miss him.  As busy as we are I’m well aware of his absence.

Bob and I talk everyday on the phone.  He’s in Arizona and the dealership doing our warranty work is very slow.  We totally understand them putting the ones who are paying cash for their services ahead of us but its getting to the point of ridiculous now.  There isn’t anything we can do, we’re at their mercy.

Bob has been busy dressing all the wood in our 5th wheel and believe me, there’s a lot of it!  He says he can’t wait for me to see it.

The community in the parking lot, where our home spends the majority of the time, is growing.  Bob has made friends with others and Happy Hour is now an everyday occurrence for the group.

Its getting hot now in Arizona.  Bob says the air conditioner runs non-stop.
I’ve talked with several of our friends still in Quail Run and I’m told the place is all but empty.  This certainly didn’t turn out to be the three months we wanted to spend in there.  They’ll be gone by the time we get back there.

Time is going much too fast for me.  We have so much to do and the time is going to come that Bob is going to start on me to come home.  He hasn’t said anything as yet, its only been two and half weeks since I left, but I know he must be missing me….or at least my cooking….or maybe not.

It hasn’t been all work this week.  One evening our cousin Kathy came to take us out to dinner.  We really needed that night out.  We laughed, a lot.  We reminded each other of family stories long forgotten.  Mom and I needed this so much.

Neither one of us is much liking this new normal.  We would give anything to turn back the hands of time.  Then reality sets in and we are once again reminded that death is very much a part of living.

Did I tell you I miss my dad?