1/27/2011 Depression Is,,,,in a Word,,,,,

DEPRESSING!

DEPRESSION: [dih-presh-uhn] n. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It sucks the life right out of you. Nothing is fun anymore and happy times seem to be a thing of the past. I hate this. I feel like I’m drowning in darkness and there is no light at the end of my tunnel. Some of this darkness is self-imposed. I don’t raise the shades, I don’t want to see outside, the sunshine, the people living life, the bushes in bud which indicates a new beginning. I’m not part of that anymore. I haven’t been for weeks and I can’t tell you why. This is the hard part, not knowing why. Nothing has happened that I’m aware of. Bob keeps asking me what’s wrong and I can only answer, “I don’t know”. He’s frustrated, he want to fix it but he can’t. He sometimes gets angry with me, he doesn’t understand this withdrawal of from life I’m experiencing. I think because he doesn’t see bruises, or blood, or hear me cough he doesn’t believe I’m sick. That I’m sick emotionally or maybe its mentally, I’m not sure myself anymore.

It’s like I’m going round and round on a slow motion merry go round and I can’t jump off and get out and do things with my girlfriends here. Inwardly I laugh at the thought of jumping off and into life because I can’t even open the door and go outside.

I hate this, this is so not like the life I normally live. Again, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I’m taking the meds but not enough time has passed for them to start working yet. I quit taking the one for shoulder pain because it just makes me sleepy and I nap too much.

I want time to rush by so the pill kicks in. I want to be ME again.