4/6/08 A Public THANK YOU!

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past years.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the
number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose. (Although cell
phone usage may be taking the number one spot)

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any other woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones be cause I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't copy my list and email it to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back causing you to
grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a
friend of my mother's next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day....

OK, OK, this isn't actually MY list but I have received the warnings of the above over the last 13 years since we've had a computer.

Now on to our day......

We've decided to go down to Mexico for a few days but we won't take the rig. We'll do the hotel/motel thing as much as that pains me. I like having my own bathroom, bed, etc.. But we'll do it because Bob has to get his fishing "fix". It's been a long time since he's been fishing,,,,much too long. It looks like we'll drive down to Los Cabos on Thursday so he can fish in the Sea of Cortez. I'll hang out at the hotel/motel pool while he's out on the boat. There's no question of whether I'll go or not....I get seasick!

Today I did my best to lay out for awhile to work on getting rid of this farmer tan I've got going on. I lasted about an hour and had to come in, it was just too hot.

Bob took advantage of another of his benefits here on the post today. A free car wash! Now our truck is all sparkling clean again.

For dinner we went into town, El Centro, to look around and get the lay of the land. We ended up in Sizzler for dinner. We had the most tender steaks we've ever had I think. We could cut them with a fork! A good sized baked potato to go with it and our tummies were full in no time.