Yep, it’s come to this. I have nothing to share so I’m going back to my email again. Sometimes I just get really good emails and I “keep them as new” although I don’t know why, I just do. Well, I now have 128 emails and its time to clean house. As I was re-reading them again to see if there were any I wanted to copy and paste and send on I thought what the heck….I’ll share them here. So if you don’t appreciate a slightly blue joke then this post isn’t for you and we’ll see you another day.
Since it is ‘tis the season, we’ll start this out with a Christmas related joke.
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?' The man replied, 'These are Carols.'
You know in our resort here we are having a contest for the best decorated RV and park model. As I’ve already shown you, this is our park model all decorated for the holidays.
Some of the neighbors (read that as men) aren’t too happy with Bob again this year because their wives are on them about decorating now. Here’s how one neighbor showed his displeasure at having to decorate and in answer to his wife’s nagging.
THE POTTY
A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE.
BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY/. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"
BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP.
BULLETIN, BULLETIN, BULLETIN
Dear Citizens,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT ( Special High Intensity Training ) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Now this is just STUPID!
Fearless Youth - Crazy - Foolhardy - Nuts - Idiotic - Brainless - Stupidity - you're turn...
Don't look down while you're viewing these shots...
This is a case of "photographer photographs photographer." The following photographs were taken by photographer Hans van de Vorst at the Grand Canyon, Arizona. The descriptions are his own. The identity of the photographer IN the photos is unknown.
I was simply stunned seeing this guy standing on this solitary
rock IN the Grand Canyon. The canyon's depth is 2,953 feet here. The rock on the right is next to the canyon and safe. Watching this guy with his thong sandals, with a camera and a tripod I asked myself 3 questions:
1) How did he climb that rock?
2) Why not take that sunset picture on that rock to the right, which is perfectly safe?
3) How will he get back?
This is the point of no return!
things (having only one hand available) and prepared himself
for the jump. This took about 2 minutes. At that point he had
the full attention of the crowd.
After that, he jumped on his thong sandals... The canyon's depth is 2,953 feet here. Now you can see that the adjacent rock is higher so he tried to land lower, which is quite steep and tried to use his one hand to grab the rock.
We've come to the end of this little story. Look carefully at the photographer. He has a camera, a tripod and also a plastic bag, all on his shoulder or in his left hand. Only his right hand is available to grab the rock and the weight of his stuff is a problem. He lands low on this flip flops both his right hand and right foot slips away... At that moment I take this shot. He pushes his body against the rock. He waits for a few seconds, throws his stuff on the rock, climbs and
walks away.
Whew!
I’m down to 56 emails, so there may or may not be more of the same tomorrow. Thanks to all who contributed to this post!
We aren’t doing a whole bunch today. Just hangin’ out. This evening Bob will play poker and I will play Mexican Train with friends.
Just another day in the desert.
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