(Wilmington, DE)
This morning our town held a town-wide yard sale. We put a few things out that mom wanted to get rid of. A coffee table, an end table, a pole lamp and grandfather type clock. My parents used to go to all these time share presentations, they never bought, it just gave them something to do for an afternoon. They would use the gift certificate they were given to go out to dinner, add another inexpensive 35mm camera to their collection, bring home another small grill and fill the gas tank with gas money they were given. One time they hit the jackpot and got a grandfather type clock. It stood in the living room for years but now its time for it to go. Lucky for us within two hours those things and a few other small things were gone.
After we put a few things away that didn’t sell we got in the car and headed to the cottage in Maryland. We were to meet my brother there to clean up the yard so the young fellow who cuts the grass could get started for the season.
Billy turned on the water and we found a leak. Billy says it will be an easy fix and he’ll take care of that soon.
The cottage is another place that will need to be cleaned out of things my dad held on to. The cottage needs work to be done to it. Between Billy and Bob and mom and me we’ll get it back in good shape in no time.
We got the yard cleaned up and were soon on our way back to Wilmington.
On the way back we decided it was time to go to the cemetery. Delaware Veteran’s Cemetery was on our way so it only made sense. Today was the first day we actually even talked about it. I think we both felt that if we didn’t talk about it then it really wasn’t real.
We found where he is with the help of the directory. Those who are cremated can be entombed in one of the walls that have been built.
The final bronze plaque hasn’t been installed yet. Right now there is just a temporary label with his name on it. I shouldn’t be reading his name on this wall yet. Mom and I have tears that fall silently, neither one of us willing to be the one to let go first. What I really want to do is bang my fist on this granite wall and yell at him for leaving us, but it certainly wasn’t his idea to go so soon. Too soon for me. There are still things I want to ask him. I want to tell him I love him one more time. I want to hear him say, love ya babe, when we hang up after talking on the phone. I’ll never hear my dad tell me he loves me again. That hurts my heart so much. I want to hear those words one more time. Just one more time.
It was a silent ride home, both of us lost in our thoughts. This visit to the cemetery today was another first in our new normal.
By the time we reached the house we shook off our sad feelings, both of us determined to be strong for the other. We didn’t talk about it, we just went on with our day with our usual activities, we just went on in our new normal.
This new normal I write of, this life that goes on without my dad….. I. Hate. It!
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