WARNING: This post is R-rated. If you are easily offended this post is NOT for you. Move on please.
DICK’S LAST RESORT
We had worked up quite an appetite on our boat ride. After all the waterway is lined with people eating at the outdoor tables. The smells were tantalizing to say the least.
We had passed a restaurant that I had been in about 20 years ago in Chicago and I remembered it very well. I made the suggestion to the other three and it was then decided that we were going to Dick’s Last Resort.
For any of you who have not had good fortune to be treated with such respect out and out rudeness from the wait staff of this restaurant or have the pleasure of sitting at a table so elegantly set where your silverware is thrown at you then you have missed out!
I knew what was coming when we walked in, my lunch companions did not. Our waiter came over to the table holding in his hand four placemats made of white paper, 4 red cloth napkins each wrapped around a fork, knife and spoon. The paper mats were wrapped around the napkins/silverware. He asked if any of us had been there before and other three said no, I just kept quiet. He held his hand over the table so it was centered between the four of us and said, “Four placemats, four napkins, four sets of silverware, you do the math” and promptly dropped it and walked away. My lunchtime companions just looked at each other, dumbfounded.
A few minutes later he was back to take our drink order. Evidently we didn’t speak fast enough to suit him because he said, “Look, I don’t have all day, what do you want?” By now John has caught on to what is going on and Bonnie was a little puzzled yet. Bob thought he was just rude and was ready to go see the manager.
When he brought our drinks Bonnie mentioned that the table was sticky and it needed to be wiped down with a wet cloth. So he got her one, threw it on table and told her to wipe it herself. By now Bob has figured out what’s going on and can enjoy the “show”.
Next came our bibs. Not because whatever we ordered was going to be messy but because,,,how did he put it? Oh yeah, I remember, he said, “Here are your bibs, you four look like your going to be slobs”. Yeah, that was it!
There was a table of about ten across the restaurant from us and there was an awful lot of laughing going on. I had to go get pictures. See how they are all wearing condoms funny hats on their heads?
Their waiter had written something on each of their hats for them.
Two seats down was a guy wearing this hat.
Our waiter passed our table and Bonnie got his attention. Their conversation went something like this.
Bonnie: Excuse me….
Waiter walks over and looks at her, that’s all, just looks at her.
Bonnie: I would like to have some Sweet n Low for my iced tea please.
Waiter: No.
Waiter leaves.
A short while later our waiter came back, empty handed of course and said, “Well, do you know what you want to eat or not?” When we responded that we did he grabbed John’s placemat and tore off a piece of it to use as his wait pad. Of course none of us gave our order fast enough for him and I could not think of the term “medium well” to save my soul. When it came my turn to order my…. HAMBURGER….he asked how I wanted it and I said, “Somewhere between medium and well done to which he replied, “Medium well, medium well, is that how you want it?” When I said yes he just looked at me and said, “Now was that hard? DUH!”
In the meantime the fellow sitting behind us asked for a straw for his drink,,,oh, big mistake!
There were a few more patrons with the familiar “condom hats” and one young lady’s said,,,Even a dog wouldn’t hump this! I don’t think she knew what it said and I don’t think her tablemates told her either.
One lady came in and asked where the bathroom was and when she got halfway across the restaurant we heard over the loudspeaker, “If anybody else has to take a dump, follow HER!” She was hoping the floor would just open up and swallow her, you could just tell.
Another “attraction” is the bras hanging behind the bar. If I remember there is a reason why you have to give up your bra but I can’t remember what it is right now.
Here’s Bonnie standing next to Dick’s sign.
John and Bonnie treated us to lunch, THANKS GUYS! We certainly appreciated it.
The sign as you leave the restaurant.
We ran into one of the waiters outside and I got a picture of him in his uniform shirt. When I told him I wanted to take his picture he posed for me but I had to ask to him stop. I couldn’t post a picture on here of someone flashing me the “bird”.
So this is where we lunched. We all had a lot of laughs after we all figured out what was going on.
Dick’s Last Resort – The joint your mother warned you about!
More to come.
2 comments:
Don would have had the big one... in regard to the waiter.
That sounded like a lot of fun!
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